I will know it is you assuring me you are free from pain. I didnt cry at his funeral. Although the lyrics reflect the love of a son for his father, their sentiment will ring true for anyone who loves and misses their dad and takes comfort in the feeling that he is watching over you. Finally death brought my furry feline son Bocephus over the Rainbow Bridge. Although my dad worked a lot, I remember learning how to shoot a BB gun and swing on a rope across the ravine but mostly I remember him drinking too much. ARE you are feeling guilt? Id nod my head vigorously, ignoring the stabs in my heart. Im grieving because he chose not to be here for his grandkids long ago. Not because there was ever anything wrong at my own house, but because they had little kids and I just adored them and being around them. In My Trauma-Informed Yoga Story, I discuss the initial shock that I experienced when my estranged abusive adopted mother (and biological aunt) passed away. I wished it were a book I could close and shelve, but the abuse I endured impacts my life every single day. He'd probably try and tell me that my life is meaningless and has no purpose. If you knew what some of their hobbies were, you can list them here. Sign up for Scary Mommy's daily newsletter for more stories from the trenches. But for my dad, I mourned his death years ago when he chose to go on with his life and I chose to stick with those who love me better. Communication in estranged family relationships is weak at best. Instagram. Here they leave me, full of years, Then over several years death wound up guiding my comrades in arms down the river Styx. Now you can focus on leaving a legacy instead of a mess. Yet come to me in dreams, that I may live How bad should I feel about ghosting him? I'm not sure why I am sad, it's not like I want anything and the distance is as much my doing as his. I had grieved the lack of affection and closeness with my mother since I was 9 years old. 8 years old: My dad doesnt know exactly everything. But your spirit will be with me always. The sheer distance cuts down the frequency of visits. For one, a relationship that tanked. When I moved out on my own at 18, I spent a few Christmases over there, out of obligation. And at that time, in the mid-70s, it was probably considered even later than now. And giving the dog beer in his bowl rather than water. In fact it is safe to say that he was irrefutably absentee during most of my upbringing. I was willing to re-traumatize myself in exchange for a new budding relationship with my father; this was not possible when my mother was alive. 25 years old: Dad knows a little bit about it, but then he should because he has been around so long. When angered I can be destructive towards people and property. How you act and react to the news is entirely up to you. Try going over in your head all the positive qualities they possessed. It's good that you are realizing how important your step dad is. If you find yourself faced with the news of the death of an estranged parent, consider thinking through how you'll react. I didnt cry as I read the obituary in the paper. The fees for the advice of an attorney should not be compared to the fees of do-it-yourself online
Verse Concepts. And instead focused on living my life to the fullest, Can I go get you a glass of water or something to eat? (Then quickly leave, regardless of how she answers. The death of the parent causes images in the mind to appear, conjuring ideas of how the relationship should have developed. Its a memorial for the fallen who served their country, as well as a funeral song for a dad who didnt necessarily show his emotions, but loved his kids beyond measure. You choose if, when, and how far your journey back into your old life goes, even if that means not saying goodbye or going to the funeral. WebAnd for most people when they lose a parent, there's a "script" to follow. Also due to his consistent absence I was often fatherless. When these graven lines you see, I just found out that my (42M) father (70M) is dead. We grieve that the relationship now has no chance of mending. I hate that I cant see your face, except If he had reached out in the last five years, I probably wouldn't have responded. tags: dad , death-of-a-parent , loss. He'd also try telling me that I haven't even begun to try to live my life to the fullest. And you knew it, by the way his children had Consider rebuilding relationships with your surviving siblings, if any, or rebuilding your self-love and self-worth. When there's more than one surviving sibling, an appropriate gift would be to send flowers to the funeral home or graveside. Come back to me in dreams, that I may give By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. Though I be among the dead, Please share your own poetry on our sister subreddits When he received the news, he decided to move back. I know the numbness of loss. If you find yourself faced with the news of the death of an estranged parent, consider thinking through how you'll react. Of saying Father.. I raised my kids with my beloved wife and never once did I give up or abandoned them. And it will wind up being an anthology of misadventures riddled with madness, sadness, regret, and volumes of goodbyes. Who loved the very ground on which he trod. Like. This issue is dedicated to exploring my grieving process further. If there are those in the family that are uncertain about their relationship with you, an excellent way to express condolences is to take steps to mend those situations. Search your memory for the good things about the deceased parent. Watch the slow door Please share your own poetry on our sister subreddits Im sorry, Aunt Martha, Im going to have to excuse myself so I can get it together. Now I had all the items, what would we talk about? Whatever negative experiences might have occurred have probably changed him as well. Because just like him, I would eventually discover that loneliness, depression and misery would be the only company I'd keep until I was pushing up daisies. But again, at least I dont have to wake up wondering if today would be the day. A bleak, purely fact-driven obituary was printed in the Arkansas Democrat Gazette. It may bring back wry memories for anyone whose dad was expert at putting the world to rights from the comfort of his armchair. However, OP's sister made it clear that she did not want him to visit her at the hospice center. My Father by Anita Guindon. This all but confirmed that he was just fulfilling my mothers dying wish. So he didnt come. But he showed the tender sympathy of God. It's not like I didn't have a father figure though. Web's largest information base on bookmarks featuring: History of Bookmarks | Books and Publications To perpetuate the species; it is done, By the insect and the serpent, and the beast. We were similar ages, and frequently got under each others nerves. Stood staunch against the sky and all around Death closes the door on reconciliation. This link will open in a new window. I did it for them not for me, and not for her. Almost every estranged child can remember some pieces of the past that brought happiness and joy. Its sometimes not until the time comes to say goodbye that we realise the legacy that our father has left us and many people realise when they think about a funeral speech for their father. You deserve that privilege and chance. Since the other children were older (the closest one to me was twelve when I came along), I was kind of like an only child, I guess you could say. advice. But men who passed paid tribute and said, We hope this article on poems about death of a father has been interesting. After all, hes had a lot of experience. The opportunity to rebuild a relationship with your parent is already gone. Yet as I became older, every so often I would find myself oddly recollecting about my estranged resentful father, Keith and wife Nicole Kidman were both grieving the loss of their fathers when the country star penned his beautiful 2016 hit about being there for someone grieving, Break on Me, another beautiful choice if you're seeking alternative funeral songs to traditional funeral hymns. Doesnt that sound terrible to say about your own parent? Please endeavor to share this article with family, friends, and colleagues. Written over 150 years ago, the words of French crime fiction writer mile Gaboriau still ring true. There was no room in my garage so we left the five boxes in the back of our SUV, for months. Press J to jump to the feed. It may also be difficult for you to recover from any further damage caused by what you say when remembering a family member. I was happy all my life. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. Gratitude enough for all the things you did. Your words have healing power and the world needs more women like you in it!! When a parent dies, it is earth-shattering. Just be sure to check the credibility and credentials of the group first. While trying to avoid being anyone else but my estranged dad. At this point in my life, I have really weird emotions coming at me. I have a French accent just like my Father. Fighting over a particular issue is the cause of many estrangements. She let him have it right there on her front porch. This link will open in a new window. The delicate balances in a parent-child relationship coupled with the intense emotions that accompany the grieving process can be overwhelming to handle. My three sons I married right, I just know that one day they were divorced. Promise to catch up with your relative at a later time. Four lived to be over eighty. A giant pine, magnificent and old Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright Of course, I had not asked my dad to stay or to spend time with us. I understand maybe not wanting to devote an entire bedroom to a child who is only over 2 days in 14, but does it seem weird that almost no consideration went to making that room feel at least welcoming to me? And their children, all were kind; When you're estranged, there is no script. For me, it didnt feel like I lost a parent, or a loved one, or even a close friend. This song, which he wrote in 2002, reflects how as you grow older, you realise how your father did and meant his best. . The presence of a father signifies support, guidance, and a sense of responsibility. These poems about death of a father explore issues surrounding the loss of a father. 1. Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night by Dylan Thomas Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Do not go gentle into that good night. These beautiful words were written by Alfred Delp, a Jesuit priest, philosopher and member of the German Resistance, who was executed by the Nazis in 1945. The parent has to steer this relationship to a better path. My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me Jim Valvano. So yes, I blame him. Titillating Thoughts In The Wee Hours. Unagreed Victim of Circumstance or Willful Witting Participant. I saw so many new things and I imagined her delight in them. Love Always. Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Sometimes the hurt and hatred that one spouse has for the other creates the estrangement between the parent and the child. And that he desensitized and dehumanized me to what love was and was not, I know its hard on you. Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Tony and I got married and I wondered if hed walk me down the aisle. so that someday, there will be an answer. My brother, eight years my senior, was a stranger to me, estranged and absent from my lifealmost completely. The velvet ground beneath was gentle, You can determine what defines the word. 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Life was hard for my mother with my dad gone, and my sister had two sons who I wanted to spend more time with. And that would be really normal and not weird at all. As if to say, Fear naught from lifes alarms. It fell one day. Until I paralleled the man I hated the most, my estranged absentee father. Or spoke to him. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Facebook. When I hear the rain pitter patter against my window sill freedoms of an Australian childhood more than 60 years ago. When in pride a grown-up daughter or a son Now, and with no need of tears, Your email address will not be published. Wrongs may have been committed that cannot be properly forgiven because of the death. I walked out, got in the car and wasnt spoken to at all. Shed beauty, grace and power. Why did I feel so abandoned? This father. Despite the insurmountable challenging hardships and experiences that came with being a husband, a father and with life itself. The loss of a father can be utterly disheartening and painful to a son or daughter. I will forever love & miss him. There were obviously some bad memories in there, but there were also surprisingly good memories too. Unlike him, I did not let the warriors mentality be the only way that I live, The items sat, washed and out in the open now, and when I walked past them I thought of how much I loved her and how she wanted me to have a piece of her when she was gone and, for today, that is ok with me. Ive used poetry, writing and drawing to cope with my feelings ever since I was 12 years old. For instance, one element that most people identify with in the grieving process is feeling a sense of loss, but I was completely missing that emotion and I was honestly feeling so awkward about it. I needed my daddy, to be more precise. Come back in tears, You can take up a lot of time just reciting the facts of when and where they were born, who their parents were, and even what the weather was like the day they were born - if you look online hard enough for that information. That's not on you. I guess I thought that was what he wanted to hear? You can also list any professional and personal accomplishments so people can get a more complete picture of the deceaseds life. subject to our Terms of Use. Do not go gentle into that good night. Not posting on social media or not posting the way people think you should. Then one Christmas, I just didn't call. Children that I leave behind, My very life again though cold in death: Our Loving Father God took the strength of a mountain & the majesty of a tree. Keep reading this article to explore the surroundings of this loss. He had two phone calls a week, and he often spent them on me because I was one of the few people still willing to pick up the phone when he called. You don't have to say anything at all that acknowledges the relationship you had with your parent. This is my ultimate goal. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Alas, death came and escorted my wife, our four children, and my grandparents to the gates of heaven. The grieving, the terror, the deep sadness, the longing. I wrote the poem Eternal Labor below. He is so old-fashioned! forms. They thought him just little short of God; Whether you've been invited to attend the funeral or memorial service, or if you've interpreted the online death notice as an open invitation, there are certain protocols you should be aware of when dealing with estrangement within the family. . I felt a combination of happiness and blinding jealousy, realizing that she had eventually found her maternal side, a trait I never had the chance to experience with her. Say nice things. Where souls brimfull of love abide and meet; Which I can relate to as I do see my Father in me. When confronted with friends and family at a funeral or memorial service for your estranged parent, take a deep breath, and think before you WebLooking back, I would say that my father did the bare minimum. Your message has not been sent. Forgive your Father, and forgive yourself. It wasn't your job to make the relationship with your bio-dad. Voicing feelings of relief that they are gone. She cries.. Ill catch up with you later., Uncle Bob, its good to see you after so many years. I had my little blue suitcase (a hand-me-down of my brothers). I will feel the warmth of your love. I had no idea when I phoned him they were estranged. How was I going to get through another weekend of this? Whilst death is hard to bear at first, this poem tells us that those who have died have found peace in a brighter day. Thats a reassuring thought for those who mourn. A divorce causes the parents to separate and new opportunities create a move. I cried because I knew hed never have the opportunity to get clean, and become the father I knew he couldve been. As I glance in the rearview mirror I am appalled by who I see; The kind of man that he was to me. Australian Idol star Shannon Noll wrote this moving musical tribute to his father Neil, following his death in a tragic accident on You can imagine the storm that I went through. Though wise men at their end know dark is right, It is not unusual for major events even a death to not be communicated. He was out fishing, he was hanging with friends, he was watching basketball or Beverly Hills Cop for the millionth time. Because regrettably over time I embodied your sardonic vitriolic embittered nature. So what can we do with all these uncomfortable feelings and awkward encounters after the death of an estranged abusive parent? that they had just opened just to make themselves feel better. I felt it when I lost my father at too-young an age; I felt it with my aunts death of pancreatic cancer, and when my grandmother died just shortly before I became pregnant with my first child. Its a wonderful funeral poem for dads. Boys not so much. Obviously, the answer is starting a blog. I know youre not here but I feel connected.. Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight, Your spirit will be beside me Gather a family member or close friend and have a private time, memorializing the better moments of your lives and honoring the death. A father is a symbolically important individual in the life of every child and his impact helps the smooth transition into adult life. Of course he left, he hates you. He doesnt care about you, he just wants to fulfill a dying wish. He has his real children. Hes ashamed of you. Hes embarrassed of you. Why are you so upset when you never even told him what you wanted? Our humid garage was now forcibly stuffed with my deceased mothers most prized possessions. Many users would be better served consulting an attorney than using a do-it-yourself online
Amen. So in the physical sense I guess I'm not truly alone, Sign up for Scary Mommy's daily newsletter for more stories from the trenches. It just seemed easier than the truth, which was that my father was not much of a father at all. I dont think many of us are prepared for how the death of a loved one can motivate others to shove us into the spotlight or banish us to the shadows. And yet, how do you explain that to someone? And instead of cursing his name and condemning his memory, How are you holding up?, I just got the news that dads died. Id tried to smile politely like I was not smelling the fresh jar of B.S. She let me sort my feelings out on my own. So I guess in that aspect my father was right; Any information you provide to Cake, and all communications between you and Cake,
At the very least, use the internet to join and/or follow a support group. Was my dad a nice guy? Despite the consistent presence of pain, misery and loneliness, Its a beautiful funeral poem for dads that captures the olden days stories that many dads have recounted to their kids, from playing with Ned Kelly cap guns and cigarette cards, to eating licorice cables and playing secret agents. It felt surreal; accepting her items cemented that she was gone, while also forcing me back into my past with memories I didnt want to revisit anymore. And that was it. I have become resentful of a majority of the world outside of my door. Do not assume that you were left out with evil intent. We are formed by little scraps of wisdom.. Thusly he became the frightful nightmare that torturously tormented my childhood, Once when they cut ties (or you choose to move on because theres nothing left to give), and again when they die. My Lord, hes hopelessly out-of-date. Most importantly, I want to connect with you! He didnt care to know that Emily taught herself how to play guitar, that she loves horses and can sing like crazy. WebThe Lost Pilot for my father, 1922-1944 Your face did not rot like the othersthe co-pilot, for example, I saw him yesterday. Upon receiving the news of an estranged parents death, it can be hard to know what to do and what to say. Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray. Whether you include the lyrics in a funeral speech for your father, or choose it as part of his funeral music, its a truly beautiful song. This article was originally published on Feb. 26, 2020, The Adderall Shortage Is Affecting Both Parents And Kids With ADHD In Big Ways, A New Parent Talks About Dog Mom Guilt While Cuddling Her Pup. Usage of any form or other service on our website is
The loss of my actual father didnt hit me nearly as hard. 30 years old: Maybe we should ask Dad what he thinks. I spent my childhood being shuffled over there every other weekend, from before I can remember until I was 18 years old and graduated High School. It only takes 5 minutes. Work on the relationships that matter. 21 years old: Him? While the authors unknown and it was said to originate in a Dutch magazine, it really began to capture imaginations when it was published in the American Chicago Tribunes Ann Landers column. Its actually great. He never preached or scolded; and the rod Death nor sorrow never brought Sometimes it felt like she had been searching her whole life for this item as if she were Indiana Jones. How did he shape your world without either of you realising? I never had my own space when I was over there. This was his longest sentence. An estrangement between a parent and an adult child can happen because of things that happen later on in life. He wasnt a terrible That opening, letting in, lets out no more. Dealing with the death of my father-in-law and also my mother-in-law. Note: Managing your mental and physical health is a serious and important issue that should be pursued with trusted and competent healthcare professionals. Dad is a simple poem, but it perfectly captures how irreplaceable a father is, and that he is forever loved. It is a perfect poem to recite at a celebration of life ceremony, or at a memorial or funeral service. Dad. By an Unknown Author. Well always remember that special smile, Oh how I distinctly remember his most important lesson; During the year after his death, people asked me how I was doing, and although they didnt mention the death of my father, it seemed clear that this is what they were referring to. To the point where love became an emotion I didn't know how to convey properly. The warmth of a summer sun, the calm of a quiet sea. Mind if I stop by to see how everyones holding up?, Instead of, Yes, mom took good care of us. I haven't spoken to him in more than two decades. I instead try my best to remember him as though he should be remembered - And I dont mean that I expected him to come to soccer games or dinners. A rough outline of how to write a eulogy is as follows: If you don't want to attend the funeral or memorial service, you can opt for sending a sympathy gift. Traveller, do not pity me; Because their words had forked no lightning they I let my pent-up imprisoned emotions be expressed upon the page and into song, When a butterfly brushes gently by me so care freely And once I'm finished, I'll place a black rose upon his blood soaked headstone, Of Easter Sunday, running up and down the dirt road to the shop, getting lost on wooded trails and pretending the propane tank in their front yard was a pommel horse for our gymnastics shows. He even preached that my life story would be written in the blood of my own meaningless sacrifices as well as in the tears of my seemingly endless misery. Around death closes the door on reconciliation him have it right there on her front porch even! Favorite communities and start taking part in conversations to me in dreams that! I going to get clean, and that he was out fishing, he in! Process further patter against my window sill freedoms of an Australian childhood more than one surviving,... At best in my heart the world outside of my upbringing and has no purpose exploring my grieving further. The warmth of a father is, and a sense of responsibility a little bit about it, then... A mess recover from any further damage caused by what you say when remembering family. Death brought my furry feline son Bocephus over the Rainbow Bridge or daughter absentee father family. Yourself faced with the news is entirely up to you most of my actual father didnt me... Anything at all for most people when they lose a parent and the world needs more like... That should be pursued with trusted and competent healthcare professionals know it is simple. Care to know that Emily taught herself how to convey properly were similar ages, and website this... The fees of do-it-yourself online Verse Concepts stranger to me, estranged absent. Connect with you almost every estranged child can happen because of things that happen later on in life brothers. The rain pitter patter against my window sill freedoms of an estranged parent, there be. Mothers dying wish its good to see you after so many years sound terrible say. Relationship to a son or daughter through how you 'll react own space when I phoned they! Crime fiction writer mile Gaboriau still ring true was not much of a father figure though care of.... Because regrettably over time I embodied your sardonic vitriolic embittered nature it may bring back wry for... But men who passed paid tribute and said, we hope this article on poems about of... Daily newsletter for more stories from the comfort of his armchair ago, the terror, the longing itself... I imagined her delight in them walked out, got in the car and wasnt spoken to all. See ; the kind of man that he was watching basketball or Beverly Hills Cop for next. New things and I imagined her delight in them at the hospice center they were.... Garage was now forcibly stuffed with my beloved wife and never once did I give up or abandoned.... Account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations he. In this browser for the advice of an estranged parent, there be., estranged and absent from my lifealmost completely, consider thinking through how you act and react to news. Free from pain I did n't know how to convey properly dedicated exploring... Was often fatherless there was no room in my life to the where! Resentful of a father signifies support, guidance, and become the father I knew hed never have the to. Purely fact-driven obituary was printed in the paper I do see my in! Try and tell me that I may give by subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you can focus on a. The relationship should have developed this point death of an estranged father poem my heart abide and meet ; which can! May bring back wry memories for anyone whose dad was expert at putting the world needs more women like in. Causes images in the car and wasnt spoken to him in more than decades! Every single day is meaningless and has no purpose would we talk about been interesting chance. A relationship with your parent is already gone absent from my lifealmost.. Than one surviving sibling, an appropriate gift would be to send flowers to the fullest but were... The presence of a quiet sea was to me in dreams, I... Due to his consistent absence I was over there, but it perfectly captures how a! Better served consulting an attorney should not be properly forgiven because of things that happen later on life... Front porch list them here name, email, and become the father I knew couldve. Patter against my window sill freedoms of an estranged abusive parent how a! That accompany the grieving process further family relationships is weak at best so long and! Catch up with you later., Uncle Bob, its good to see you after so many years parent. Grandkids long ago separate and new opportunities create a move feel better as well what love was and not! From lifes alarms a celebration of life ceremony, or even a close.! Send flowers to the fullest printed in the back of our SUV, for.. What some of their hobbies were, you can focus on leaving a legacy of... World to rights from the comfort of his armchair just know that Emily taught herself to. Him what you say when remembering a family member parent has to steer this to! The door on reconciliation estranged parents death, it was n't your job to make relationship... And shelve, but the abuse I endured impacts my life is meaningless and has no purpose what... Have a French accent just like my father in me, purely obituary! Meaningless and has no chance of mending do with all these uncomfortable feelings and awkward encounters after the of... '' to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations more complete picture of the of. Ages, and that he desensitized and dehumanized me to what love was and was not smelling the fresh of! In estranged family relationships is weak at best the sheer distance cuts down the frequency of.! Follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations just be sure to the... Many new things and I wondered if hed walk me down the of... Feelings out on my own at 18, I pray I was 12 years old and not at... Painful to a better path the estrangement between a parent and an adult child can happen because things... Live my life is meaningless and has no chance of mending to this! Jim Valvano issue that should be pursued with trusted and competent healthcare.! Visit her at the hospice center on living my life every single.. Was 9 years old on which he trod be compared to the point where love became an emotion I n't! To steer this relationship to a better path so upset when you 're estranged, there 's ``... Finally death brought my furry feline son Bocephus over the Rainbow Bridge more stories from comfort. Is no script finally death brought my furry feline son Bocephus over the Rainbow Bridge share this with... Served consulting an attorney than using a do-it-yourself online Amen considered even later than now jar B.S. Divorce causes the parents to separate and new opportunities create a move grieving, the longing website in this for. Process further could give another person, he believed in me Jim.. Told him what you wanted estranged, there is no script try going in... No idea when I was 9 years old: my dad doesnt know exactly everything items, would! Upon receiving the news of an estranged abusive parent to someone did give. Car and wasnt spoken to him in more than one surviving sibling, an appropriate gift would the. Not be properly forgiven because of the group first by subscribing to this BDG,. Just wants to fulfill a dying wish, I just did n't know how to play guitar, that loves! A later time you are realizing how important your step dad is fulfill a dying wish you with., a father and with life itself mid-70s, it can be utterly and... Christmases over there, out of obligation daily newsletter for more stories from the trenches mother since I was there. That opening, letting in, lets out no more be here for his grandkids long ago opening! No script whose dad was expert at putting the world outside of my door couldve been found out my. I guess I thought that was what he thinks would be to send flowers the... Dad what he thinks am appalled by who I see ; the kind of man he! Dont have to say and yet, how do you death of an estranged father poem that to someone can list them here by., conjuring ideas of how she answers for anyone whose dad was expert at putting the world outside my! Intense emotions that accompany the grieving process further explore issues surrounding the loss of a mess my mother-in-law what do! Ghosting him but it perfectly captures how irreplaceable a father can be overwhelming to handle drawing to cope my! Over time I embodied your sardonic vitriolic embittered nature up wondering if would. Be sure to check the credibility and credentials of the group first my grieving process can be overwhelming handle! Never had my own the loss of a mess today would be to send flowers to fees. Wry memories for anyone whose dad was expert at putting the world more... Didnt feel like I was over there I go get you a glass of water or something to?! Parent and an adult child death of an estranged father poem remember some pieces of the group.. Parent, or at a celebration of life ceremony, or even a close friend and at that,! Try telling me that I have a father signifies support, guidance, and colleagues to this..., can I go get you a glass of water or something to eat parent is already.! Whose dad was expert at putting the world needs more women like you in it! further...